Why is the crazy white person sitting next to me crying?

I was sitting on the public bus this morning, going from Kigali to Gitarama and started sobbing and could not stop. This was a very familiar setting for me, as I have taken this bus route many times in the past. I began reflecting on the past three years, when I moved to Rwanda in 2008 for five months to establish Global Capacity’s work in the country.

All of the emotion of accomplishment as well as disappointment hit me at once and all I could do is continue sobbing. There are times in which feelings overwhelm and rather than keep them in, as I wish, they manifest in the form of tears I cannot stop. Some of the emotion is pity for the little children I see walking from miles away to gather up water in their plastic cans. And at other times it is the stark truth that I cannot help everyone, as the needs seem insurmountable. At other times it is the gratitude I feel in being able to be part of something that is greater than myself.

I began thinking about how far Global Capacity has come since 2008. At that time we had no concrete vision of our work or mission or how we would proceed. We saw the needs but did not know how to answer them. And then slowly God began to reveal the answers and our work began to take form. We began to get connected with wonderful people to help us and assist us. And we saw how Global Capacity would be a much-needed organization in Rwanda.

There have been many bumps along the road. There have been struggles and hurts and pain. Ideas didn’t work and people in America did not grab on to our vision as much as we felt it in our hearts. We saw the need but they didn’t. And we were also hurt by the very people we were serving in Rwanda. Providing aid is messy and sometimes I have wanted to walk away.

Yet, something has kept me in it. And I am so thankful to be able to be involved in the work that we are doing. The need for providing scholarships for secondary and vocational school became absolutely clear on this trip. I cannot tell you how incredible it is so look into the eyes of a mama or a papa and reassure them that their child will be able to attend secondary school. It’s that look, of gratitude and satisfaction, which keeps me doing what we are doing. There truly are not many more exhilarating things for me than to be able to change someone’s life with the means of education.