Am I in America?

I got to Dubai yesterday morning. After a very uneventful journey, which I appreciated, I arrived at 3 am. Getting my Visa, my luggage, and money exchanged were probably the easiest tasks I have ever done overseas. The airport is beautiful and very traveler-friendly, with free wireless internet and lots of places to sit and relax. I sat around for two hours and then decided to make my way to the condo. Even though I couldn't technically check-in for another seven hours, I decided to try to get in early. I grabbed a taxi, another effortless task, and sat in wonder as we made our way to the Palm Jumeirah.

This looked incredibly like America. With the exception of the Arabic writing on all of the storefronts and billboards, I felt as if I had journeyed to a vacation destination in Florida. I was amazed at the real estate developments and the economic prosperity. There were countless American restaurants that we passed, which is bittersweet to me. On the one hand I felt comfort knowing that I can visit these restaurants that I have missed eating at for the past 2 1/2 months. Restaurants like Chili's, Applebee's, Subway, McDonalds, KFC, Burger King, Pizza Hut. On the other hand, I don't like them being here because it shows how much Dubai (and other parts of the world) has become like America and lost its individuality and uniqueness.

As I noted in my previous blog, I wondered how I would feel coming to Dubai, after coming from Rwanda, one of the poorest countries in the world. I feel a sadness and a motivation. If only Rwanda (well, Africa) could have the same development success as the UAE has had. I realize the economic success in UAE is largely geographic, as it has the oil and so many wealthy folks, which help to create the interest from other parts of the world. Yet, what if there was also the same interest in Africa? What if this high rate of development started there too and there wasn't such a stark delineation of the rich and the poor?

Even though I have not yet been here for two full days, I can say that I miss life in Africa. Sure, it has been so nice to get away and relax here in Dubai. I have been able to go to a coffee shop and sip on a large soy mocha and read the newspaper and listen to my iPod. I have a beautiful, air-conditioned three bedroom condo with three large, flat-screen TVs and cable. And I have free, high-speed wireless internet. I have taken three baths so far, a luxury I haven't had since I left America. I have a refrigerator, a freezer, a toaster, a dishwasher, and a washing machine, all appliances that I don't have in Rwanda. Still, in spite of all these things, which are relatively commonplace and everyday in America, I have realized that I can survive without them. After all, most of the world does. Having lived without them for almost three months, I know what human beings need in order to survive. And none of these things is on that list. Sure, they come in handy and provide ease and comfort and when I get back to America I will use them again. I just hope that when I return I don't take them for granted and live like I need them. I know that I don't and can do life without them. So, although it is probably cliche, being on the trip so far has taught me this.

In the days to come I will be seeing much more of Dubai. My good friend Mayo flies in tonight, and we will be exploring more. I will keep you posted.

Getting Ready for Dubai.

I am going on vacation to Dubai for a week this coming Friday and will be gone until next Saturday (Sept 19 - 27). Well, it is not entirely a vacation, as I plan on doing a lot of Global Capacity work. One of my best friends, John Mayo Anderson, is joining me. We plan on putting the new Global Cap web site up and hope to work on a promotional video. I also am very excited for the high speed internet so I can update my public pictures and do other web stuff that I normally don't have the patience to do with the slow internet we have in Gitarama. That will mean the ability to Skype or iChat (wink wink) so let me know if you want to.

Mayo and I are staying at The Palm Jumeirah, which sounds quite like a slice of heaven. There are so many amenities and luxuries, and Dubai is one of the richest cities in the world. It makes me wonder how I will feel going there, after having spent the past 2 1/2 months in one of the poorest countries in the world. One thing is for sure, and that is I am going to miss the wonderful people I have come to love in Gitarama and Bukomero. The boys at Umuryango, the village children, the streetboys in Gitarama, the schoolchildren. The people that have made my stay in Africa so worthwhile and privileged. It is these people that compensate for any difficulty I have with living here. They make it easier and give me the motivation and the will to be here.

What if He wants to stretch me and empty out of me all that is me, so that He can me fill me up with all that is Him?

I woke up this morning and laid in my bed for over an hour, pondering and praying. Pondering about a lot of different things, mostly related to my work with Global Capacity. The level of need here is so great, and I get discouraged and a bit cynical at times. Not that we can't accomplish much here, but the world is such a big place. And it is filled with lots of places with need. It is easy to feel inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. The purpose of Global Capacity is to provide aid in various developing countries, not just in Rwanda. So, one day we will be focusing on a different country, with its own set of problems and needs. My heart has been ripped apart so much here already and it can feel unbearable at times to think that I will be exposed to so much more suffering throughout the years to come.

I am also wondering if leaving home to be in a different country for months at a time is for me. I am someone who thrives on routine and stability, so being gone for six months is a stretch for me. And since I hope to have a family some day (actually I am thinking through the issue of remarriage too), I wonder how this will work. Do I want to be away from my parents and brothers and their families too? And how about the amazing community of friends and church that I love so dearly? I cannot believe that I am questioning all of this. I never thought I would be at this point. Is it selfish of me to doubt that I can do this? If I choose a different path will I always look back and wonder what could have happened? So, this is a matter of God working in me to change me in to the person He wants me to be. Maybe He doesn't want me to rely on routine and predictability as I prefer to. What if He wants to stretch me and empty out of me all that is me, so that He can me fill me up with all that is Him?

I honestly don't know the answer and am not resolved about this, so I will continue to seek after Him.

Overwhelmed.

I have been pretty overwhelmed with life here lately. Overwhelmed in a negative sense at times, but also in a positive sense too. But mostly in a negative sense.

The extreme poverty is really getting to me. At times there is such a stark contrast of the very poor and the very rich. At the taxi station, there are many people begging for money, as always. Some people are missing limbs. Sundays bother me the most. A lot of people on the taxis are very well dressed for church, which is understandable. They have the standard, Rwandan-style attire on, with fancy jewelry and shoes and head coverings. And they should be dressed well for church. Yet, it is very difficult to see this in the midst of the beggars, with their sad eyes and hungry stomachs. It makes me wonder what a proper godly response should be. If these people are going to church, should they also be reacting in a positive way to these beggars. Should I be acting in a different way too, other than looking away.

Today on the way to Umuryango Theresa and I passed two of the village kids, a brother and his little sister. These kids are some of the poorest, malnourished, and sickly children in the village. We brought them back with us to bathe them and give them medical treatment. After we had bathed them, Gatera (Jean Paul's nephew who lives at the home) inspected their hands and noticed some white marks. They were worms. The boy had three worms in his hands and the little girl had six. Gatera pulled out two of the worms as I watched with great sadness. Chances are that these adorable children will be getting more worms because their home is very dirty and unsanitary. And who knows what else these children have - worms are fairly detectable.

One of the other boys from the village came in and was standing next to me, watching. This little boy has HIV and is on anti-viral medication. I found out this tragic fact shortly after I returned from my trip to Rwanda last year. I do not know his exact age, but I would guess he is around 14 years-old or so. Thankfully his body is responding well to the medication and we can hope that the progress continues.

I am currently in the internet cafe and secondary school just let out. Some schoolboys have just arrived and they hopped on the computers next to me. And they are watching porn. These boys are maybe 15 years-old, if that. It is very sad.

On the contrary, I have seen very, very good things. I started teaching 6th grade English yesterday and am thoroughly enjoying it! I love getting involved in the learning process of these kids. Although it is a very small amount - one hour per day - and it is just a review class, I am proud to be part of it. Education is so very important in Rwanda and can help to change a student's and his family's life forever. After the English class period the students walk home to eat lunch. I love walking amongst 1600 primary school students, each with his school uniform on.

It has also been a joy to see the newest streetboys doing very well in the home. Olivier, Hasani, and Emmanuel came to the home within the past two weeks and have transitioned very naturally so far. They are very happy to be there and continually ask to study. They will be starting school in January, but Theresa has been supplying them with worksheets to do until that time. They also helped wash the two children today, voluntarily.

It is inevitable for there to be both good and bad here. To be honest, the bad is really taking a toll on my heart. At times the pain seems so unbearable and I wonder how I am going to make it here another 3 1/2 months. The needs are so very great and as I think and plan and create programs for life improvement I often feel so inconsequential and small. But then I am reminded that I don't see things from God's point of view most of the time. And what may seem like a dauntless task in the eyes of a human being could be very plausible and possible in the eyes of an all-powerful and all-loving God. I am so thankful I am not doing this alone :)